


Bothered

by olivemartini



Category: The Dark Artifices Series - Cassandra Clare, The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec's there too, Angst, Fluff, Jace being a good bro, Kitty - Freeform, M/M, Romance, people are stupid, slight spoilers from LOS, some homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 08:48:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11688177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olivemartini/pseuds/olivemartini
Summary: Kit had known that despite the new laws, despite the progress, despite the pride marches and the holding hands in public and the little girl down the street from him having two dads, that not everyone was okay with people trying their best to find who they were meant to love.  But he had known that in an abstract way, in the same way that a kid might know who their president was or that this one street was used for drug deals, something that doesn't affect you and you never really had to experience yourself, but you understood as a fact regardless.Until tonight.





	Bothered

Kit had known that despite the new laws, despite the progress, despite the pride marches and the holding hands in public and the little girl down the street from him having two dads, that not everyone was okay with people trying their best to find who they were meant to love.  But he had known that in an abstract way, in the same way that a kid might know who their president was or that this one street was used for drug deals, something that doesn't affect you and you never really had to experience yourself, but you understood as a fact regardless.

Until tonight.

So maybe he deserves what's happening now, for all those times he heard it and didn't say anything or just walked by when there was a problem, those days where he thought that other people could be oppressed as long as it didn't affect his rights, his life.

And it was definitely his fault, considering that he was the one that begged them to join the carnival after the demon killing part of their night was over, had stripped off his glamour without waiting for an answer, had been tempted by the fair food and the flashing lights and the sea of people he could disappear into.  The simple, mundane beauty of it all.

"Could I wear my headphones?"  Ty had asked, and Kit could have kicked himself, because he didn't think about how Ty might not like all the noise and lights crashing into his head, and crashing cacophony of senses he would have to sort through.  Alec had already said yes, since it was only the three of them, and because he always said yes to Kit, thanks to Kit reminding him of Jace when he was younger.  "I'll be okay if I can wear my headphones."

"Of course you can,"  Kit says, because neither of them had really thought that he would say no, that he could deny Ty anything.  He reaches out to drag them onto Ty's ears and tug his hood into place just the way he likes it, fingers threading through his hair, and when he steps away, Alec is watching them but does not say anything.

It's easier than he remembered to lose himself into this.  He had thought that he would need some transition time, that he would find the mundane world jarring after all his time as a Shadowhunter, but he and Ty weave through the crowd and over to the food, Alec following along behind them.  Shadowhunters may make fun of mundanes, but it can't be denied that they have some awesome ideas.

Like fair food, which allows Kit and Ty to walk through all the choices and snag stray French fries off of people's trays, finally ending up at the Stromboli booth, which they grab one of and then duck into an empty corner to eat, standing too close.  Laughter bubbles out of them loud enough to make people look over, but Kit doesn't care, even with the grease shining on their skin and the heat of it burning their fingers.

Like the ferris wheel, the only ride that Ty had thought he would be able to get on, the two of them stepping into the carriage and rising up, up, up, until they get to that precious moment where the sound falls away and the city stretches out in front of them with lights like thousands of electric stars and Ty lets his headphones fall away, classical music spilling out and filling their air between them.  They are too tall to fit together, so they sit with legs mixing and shoulders pressed together, and when the ride jolts forward, Ty reaches out to grab Kit's hand like he needs it to reassure himself that he won't be going into a freefall. 

Like the carnival games, which Kit finds he is very good at, and he takes his teddy bear and gives it to Ty without thinking, like there was no questioning as to who it was going to.  The smile on Ty's face starts off soft and slow but soon turns dazzling, and Kit almost loses his trail of thought looking at him.  It is hard to forget they are descended from angels when Ty has the lights splashing voer his face and his gaze so intense it's like a punch to the chest, a constant reminder that they have the fire of heaven and stardust pumping through their veins.

"Cotton Candy," Ty says, jerking his head down the row of booths and breaking up the intense moment in the way he does sometimes.  "I'll get you some."  Kit isn't sure if he would have done so regardless, or if Ty just thought he should exchange a gift for gift, but either way he lets him weave through the crowd and stays put.  Which is around the time he becomes aware of the group of high schools shoving each other and laughing, pointing at him, clearly making fun of him and Ty.

 _Faggots,_ they say, and the word drops to the ground, crushing Kit's perfect night with the same ease they might have stamped out the glowing remains of a cigarette.  And then they say other stuff, sex stuff, stuff about turning him straight and guesses on which one is the girl and other things he won't repeat, things that make him want to punch them for talking about Ty like that, things that hurt and make him want to disappear.  Things that take all his feelings for the night ( _Ty pressed against him, Ty smiling at him, Ty so close that Kit could kiss him if he wanted, as long as Ty wanted_ ) and warp them, make it wrong, somehow.

"Come on."  There is a hand on his shoulder, steering him away.  Alec, who had heard all of it and was now acting as someone for Kit to lean on to, to have fix this for him.  They make their way to Ty, and even though there was no possible way he could have heard, the way he's looking at him makes Kit think that he did, and that makes it worse somehow.  "Don't listen to them, okay?"

 

 

 

Jace is here.

 Jace is here a lot, actually, more than Kit thought he would be.  Part of him wants to tell him that he's not worth the trouble, but the other part is glad that someone cares, likes this feeling of family, the knowledge that their blood made a bond that cannot be broken.  He has taken it upon himself to train Kit, even though normally they end early and climb up on the rafters to talk about nothing and everything at the same time, the only thing close to a brother Kit had ever had.  (Though there's Ty, but Ty is decidedly not a brother.)

"What's up with you?"  Jace demands, after Kit had flopped down on the training mats and they used an iratze to knit the split skin of his knuckles back together.  "Is this about last night?"

 _Of course_ he knew about last night, of course Alec had told him, of course Jace would bring it up now.  "Because I have to say, I wouldn't have pegged you to be the kind of guy to get upset about being mistaken as gay.  Because a lot of people like to say that they're okay with gay, but once it gets up close and personal, they get all uncomfortable.  Which, by the way, makes you a homophobic asshole."  Jace is annoyed, shifting slowly towards angry, and Kit can't help but feel that he practiced this in his head beforehand.  "Being gay isn't a bad thing, and since it is not offensive, therefore being told you are gay when you are straight should have no more of an impact on you than being told you have green hair when it is, in fact, our own wonderful blonde."

He looks proud of himself, and still angry.  Kit wants to laugh, but doesn't, because he thinks that will get him punched.  "It's not,"  He says through gritted teeth, staring over at where his Herondale ring was glinting in the sunlight, trying to remind himself that Jace is his friend, that Jace is Alec's parabatia and therefore has no problem with this particular subject, that this is what he'd been wanting to tell Jace this whole time.  "Because I got called gay."

"Then what-,"  Kit stares at Jace, and Jace stares back, golden eyes blinking in astonishment.  He has the grace to look embarrassed.  "Oh."

And yeah.

Oh.

 

 

Sometimes, when someone tells you that your hair is green, its because it's actually green and you've really just been kidding yourself.

 

 

"Jace thinks that we should talk about something."  Alec had walked in without waiting to be told it was okay and sat at Kit's desk, stared at him until Kit finally put the book Ty was forcing him to read down.  He didn't seem like the type of guy to walk into another room to talk about his sexuality, but Kit was getting used to being wrong.  "Do you think we should talk about something."

"I don't-,"  Kit starts, then stops, because yes, he did, and he couldn't talk about it to anyone else ( _he doesn't even want to think about having this conversation with Julian_ ), and Alec and Jace might be the only two people in the Institute that are more loyal to him than they are to Ty.  "Could I ask you something?"

Alec shrugs, picks at his fraying sweater.  "Sure."

"Did it suck, when people found out you were gay?"  Kit couldn't look at him.  He really, really couldn't.

"A little."  Alec moves to sit on the bed beside him, and Kit can see the rare flicker of the Alec who walked into literal hell to save the world.  "Not everyone likes it, you know?  Not that it's any of their business."

"Does it get easier?"  This, in  whisper from a voice so thin that Kit thought it might shatter.  "Do you ever hear that and not want to agree with them?"

"You get used to."  Alec's voice is hard.  "You move past it.  You learn to live with the idea that there will always be people who hate for no other reason than they like to hate.  But then you meet someone, and the pain becomes something less, and when you do get hurt, they're always there to patch you up in the end."

He says it likes its truth, and Kit knows that Alec knows the feeling he had last night and this morning, the one that made him pull away when Kit touched him, the one that made him feel wrong and bad and dirty, like every word he said to Ty was tainted by the knowledge of these feelings inside of him.  "How did you know it would be okay?"  Kit asks, like he's drowning, and maybe he is, because this is big and scary, but not as big or scary as his feelings for Ty.  "When did you stop feeling like someone made a mistake?"

They talk for a while, about things that Kit would never think he would admit to and he never imagined Alec would share.  About trying to force yourself to ignore and what it does, about people loving you and not seeing that it was okay but trying to, about wasting time denying himself what was right and good and lovely and almost destroying everything in the process.  About Kit's father, about Kit's new feelings for Ty, just about Ty, if Ty was like this too, if he wanted this, if this would be a mistake.

"I can't give you the answers to everything,"  Alec said, crouching down to sit in front of Ty and looking him in the eye.  "But I can tell you this- those kids were wrong.  This, this thing you feel for Ty, is right, and good, and doesn't make you any less of the man I know you are.  Alright?"

There's a lump in his throat, but Kit still manages to choke out the okay.

 

 

He finds Ty on the roof.

Ty had started hanging out there after Livvy died, because while Ty had liked to find the creatures on the ground, Livvy had liked to search for things in the sky, and he thought it brought him a little closer to her, wherever she went.  "Are you still upset?"  Ty asked, a crease between his eyebrows, because he hadn't known why, he had just known that Kit was.  "Did I do something?"

"No,"  Kit says, the word bursting out, because he doesn't ever want Ty to think that.  Never ever.  "You did nothing.  I just had to figure some stuff out."

"And did you?"  Ty knows about figuring things out.  About walking away to catch your breath and get your bearings.  About the world being too much, too soon.  "I heard what those said."

Kit rocks back on his heels, because he had realized last night that Ty would have been able to hear because of his runes, but he was still hoping.  "Did it bother you?"

"The idea of you and me?"  Ty was looking at him with wide, scared eyes, like he was about to jump and was praying that Kit would be there to catch him.  Like he had when Kit had told him that he would miss him, the night Kit found him in Livvy's room with a dagger pressed to his heart because  _I want to feel what she felt,_ the night that they held each other in the dark and never mentioned it in the light.  "No.  Nothing about you bothers me."

"Good,"  Kit says, feeling like a coward, thinking he should say more, but just reached out to pull Ty towards him instead, their hands tangled together and faces close enough that Kit could do this, if he wanted to, if Ty wanted.  And he did.  "That's really, really, good."

**Author's Note:**

> was going to be better but got deleted twice before I could post.


End file.
